


Who Could Stay? (You Could Stay)

by angellwings



Series: (You Are) What You Love [5]
Category: Timeless (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Forgiveness, Loss, Lost Love, Lucy POV, One Shot, Part 5 of 18, Set throughout Miracle of Christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 06:11:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20701241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angellwings/pseuds/angellwings
Summary: "You guys want to get Rufus back or what?" Her altered reflection asks expectantly.How did she becomethat? Hard edged, combat ready. Unaffected.Cold. There's clearly no love lost between herself and Wyatt in whatever world they come from."That's…" She can't quite bring herself to finish the sentence but she shouldn't have worried. Wyatt picks up right where she left off.Like he somehowalwaysdoes."Us," he finishes for her, with just as much shock and awe as she feels.Mason states what they're all thinking. This isn't possible. They all know it isn't possible. But obviously what they know is wrong because some dystopian fiction version of herself is clearly sharing her air."Where are you from?" Wyatt asks."Whenare you from?" Lucy corrects."2023."2023? Five years into the future? They're still doing this five years into the future? Oh god, no wonder she looks like that. She almost killed Emma hours ago because of this life she's been saddled with. She can't imagine what five more years of it must have done to her.





	Who Could Stay? (You Could Stay)

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N: **This is a long one, guys. And it's taking me a long time to get it finished. The prior one shots I was able to hit on specific scenes in certain episodes but for this one it was hard to just pick certain scenes so I had to go through the entire two hour finale. Lucy's emotions unfold in such a deliberate way that I couldn't bear to skip any big chunks of these two episodes. Hence, long one shot.
> 
> Also hence, frustrated fanfic author.
> 
> Hopefully this turned out okay and you're not bored by redundancies. I really tried to make it interesting. Not sure I succeeded.
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> Angellwings
> 
> PS - we are so close to getting out of any episodes scenes. SO CLOSE. MY FREEDOM IS APPROACHING. Also I apologize for any typos. I read this through so many times that I know I've gone blind to them. :/
> 
> * * *

* * *

"Combat,

I'm ready for combat.

I say I don't want that,

What if I do?

Cause cruelty,

Wins in the movies.

I got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you.

Easy they come, easy they go,

I jump from the train,

I ride off alone.

I never grow up,

It's getting so old.

Help me hold on to you."

-"The Archer" by Taylor Swift

* * *

"Well, what are you waitin' on?" Some version of Wyatt asks from the hatch of a foreign yet familiar Lifeboat.

This Wyatt's eyes never stop on hers. They float over her as if he doesn't really want to see her. They never linger on his Lucy either. She can't blame him. _She_ hardly wants to look at her other self.

"You guys want to get Rufus back or what?" Her altered reflection asks expectantly.

How did she become _that_? Hard edged, combat ready. Unaffected. _Cold_. There's clearly no love lost between herself and Wyatt in whatever world they come from.

"That's…" She can't quite bring herself to finish the sentence but she shouldn't have worried. Wyatt picks up right where she left off.

Like he somehow _always_ does.

"Us," he finishes for her, with just as much shock and awe as she feels.

Mason states what they're all thinking. This isn't possible. They all know it isn't possible. But obviously what they know is wrong because some dystopian fiction version of herself is clearly sharing her air.

"Where are you from?" Wyatt asks.

"_When_ are you from?" Lucy corrects.

"2023."

2023? Five years into the future? They're still doing this five years into the future? Oh god, no wonder she looks like that. She almost killed Emma hours ago because of this life she's been saddled with. She can't imagine what five more years of it must have done to her.

She's so preoccupied with how weary her future self looks and how she and Wyatt all but ignore each other that she doesn't catch much of what the rest of the group is saying. She hears the part about not being able to stop Rittenhouse without Rufus but everything else sounds like buzzing in her ears.

Her gaze switches to the future Wyatt. It's so hard to look at him like this. His eyes are usually an indicator of everything he's feeling. Good or bad. But this Wyatt…

She looks in his eyes and she sees _nothing._

He looks disconnected yet _angry_. Is it because of Jessica? It can't just be Jessica, can it? The way he ignores both versions of Lucy Preston seems to say…

God, what did _she_ do to him? Something must have happened between them greater than what's gone on up to this point to cause such _gaping _distance.

Suddenly, a book is shoved into present Wyatt's hands as he stands at her shoulder. That book brings her back into the conversation. She knows that book.

"Everything you need, it's in there," her other self declares.

"Uh, _my_ journal? W-what are we supposed to do with it?"

The Journal is the key? How is the journal the key? If it all relies on the Journal then wouldn't Flynn know? He's been their go-to guy for the Journal this entire time.

"Just figure it out together." Great. That's very helpful, she thinks dryly. Not to self, be more helpful in the future.

"Together?" This isn't making any sense.

"Yes, both of you," Dystopian Lucy clarifies as if she thinks her past self is daft.

Because, after all, that's what together _means_ and questioning it _does_ make her sound a little slow on the uptake. But it sounds preposterous. Future Lucy wants _Wyatt_ to see their private thoughts and feelings? Why? She's done everything she can to shield him from that. He didn't need that on top of everything going on with Jessica. Still doesn't.

While she's on the subject of Jessica…

"What about the baby?" Wyatt asks his future self, with more than a little desperation.

"There is no _baby_." The fury-filled shell of _her_ Wyatt all but spits the words out of his mouth and her future self...looks down and away. Obviously just as hurt by whatever Jessica did with that particular lie. "Jessica lied to manipulate me." He meets her Wyatt's eyes as he clarifies. "_Us_."

Whether he means us as in the two Wyatts or us as in Lucy and Wyatt is never clarified. She thinks both probably applies.

Up until now she's been so focused on observing everything about these two broken people in front of her, that she hasn't really looked at Wyatt, but that news breaks her away from the whirlwind of her own confusion to see _his_. He's stunned into silence by that news.

It's the final blow that completely shatters the illusion of the Jessica he _thought_ he knew. What remains of the heart in her chest cracks for him just a bit more at his aimless expression. He got what he always wanted and it backfired.

Because of Rittenhouse. Because of _Lucy_.

Future Wyatt starts to usher her other self away but they can't go now. She has too many questions. What are they looking for in the Journal? Where do they start? _Why_ is she insisting she and Wyatt go through it _together_? How does she avoid hurting Wyatt any further while protecting her own broken heart? What mistakes did the two of them make so she knows what _not_ to do?

But she never gets the chance to ask because the side effects catch up with them and 2023's Wyatt pulls his Lucy away so quickly that her words are lost to the stale bunker air. He leaves with a half hearted, "Merry Christmas, by the way" and then they're left to try and solve the puzzle _alone_.

Alone. After Wyatt has admitted he loves her and found out that his wife is lying about a _baby_. To trap him. To blind him. To cover her own treacherous ass. How could they all have fallen for her act for so long? Lucy should have seen straight through her the minute she implied that Wyatt had cheated. Wyatt was loyal to a _fault_. No way in hell would he ever cheat. On anyone.

She fell into Jessica's trap too. She stepped aside just as the other woman wanted and let her break Wyatt. No matter what issues she personally had with Wyatt, he didn't deserve that.

Once the other Lifeboat is gone, he retreats to his room. She gives him a moment before she follows. He's been dealt a hard blow. She can't blame him for wanting to regroup. But she also can't sit by and let him internalize it. It's clear, now more than ever, that Jessica manipulated him from the very start. She knew all the right buttons to push. It left Lucy wondering just how long she'd been pushing Wyatt's buttons to get him to do exactly what she wanted him to do.

She finds him in his room, looking deep in thought. She knows exactly what he's feeling. She's been there for weeks now. But she's more accustomed to having the rug pulled out from under her than he is. She's repetitively lost her ground to the unexpected shift of the earth beneath her feet. Honestly, she's still not _found_ her footing from the last time. From _Jessica_. She's tried, but it's hard to do without…

_Without Wyatt._

"I'm so sorry, Wyatt," she says from the doorway of his (and Jessica's) room.

She's never been in here and she can't say she really wants to be here now, but they need to do this. She's meeting him halfway.

"How could anyone lie about something like that?"

She doesn't see rage in him. Just loss and frustration. She's familiar with that combination.

"It's Rittenhouse. It's how they get what they want, and they're so good at it, too. You don't realize it until it's too late." She hopes that offers some soft of comfort. It's a lesson she had to learn the hard way. Maybe her pain can help in this case. "My mother was never the woman I thought she was. Now that she's gone, it still hurts." She pauses to take in her own loss. Her mother's last words will probably haunt her for the rest of her life. But there's no time for that now. This is about _Wyatt_. "You okay?"

His emotions play across his face and transition from hurt and frustrated to bitter and accepting at her question. "Something tells me Jessica wouldn't have been the best mother, anyway."

He's right about that. It's a blessing, really, that she was lying or else that kid would have been raised in a very damaging situation.

They exchange small rueful smiles before he speaks again.

"Doesn't matter. What matters is getting Rufus back."

Damn straight. They've lost a lot but this _one time_ they can fix it. They _have to_ fix it.

He picks up the journal and she holds her breath. She's been dreading this. She has no doubt that those pages hold about hundred drafts of every speech she's ever considered giving to him. Angry speeches. Heartbroken speeches. Hopeless speeches. Every possible emotional take she can think of.

He stops and holds it out to her. "You wanna do the honors?"

No. No she does not.

But she will.

For Rufus.

She sits beside him, barely an arms length away. Close enough to feel his body heat, but distant enough to remind herself of the things they can't take back.

She explains what the documents in the Journal mean when he asks and the minute the words, "our history" leave her lips, she regrets them. She feels that familiar pull. The one she's tried so hard to smother. She can't go there again. It all still hurts.

She's never been enough for anyone before. Why would that change now? Her love has _never_ been enough. She's perpetually second or even _third_ choice to the people she lo—_cares_ about. She doesn't want to be second choice any more. For once, _just once_, she wants to come first. Is that so much to ask?

She wonders why everyone leaves her. She wonders that as often as she wonders what type of person could stay with her. Wyatt didn't stay and his life is exactly as insane as hers. If he couldn't choose her then how could anyone else—_Anyone else_? Hold on. Anyone else? Who is she kidding? There isn't _anyone else_. She never wants there to be anyone else ever again.

It's Wyatt or no one, and she's choosing _no one_.

Because she simply won't survive another blow from Wyatt.

Despite knowing better, she pauses over the Hollywood 1941 pages. Maybe to remind herself of the pain of abandonment. Maybe to put another wedge between them, hoping he'll react badly and reinforce her decision. She doesn't really know why, but she knows he sees her words. They ring with the painful truth of her broken heart. If she wasn't already raw from the last few weeks, she might feel some form of shame, but it is what it is at this point.

He can't change it and neither can she.

No matter how much they want to.

He whispers her name and she looks up on instinct. Meeting his eyes is a mistake but she can't stop herself.

He looks genuinely remorseful and it captures her attention.

"I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to do the right thing."

Water gathers in her eyes and his. She can't look away. That's the heart of it, isn't it? He just wanted to do the right thing. So did she. So, then how did 'the right thing' go so wrong for both of them?

"I know. _I know_," she assures him.

Because she does. It doesn't change what happened. It doesn't take away the pain. But knowing he admitted he loves her just a few minutes ago and hearing him say he never meant to hurt her, well something comes loose in her chest. She's not sure what at the moment, but some tension she's been holding onto releases.

She feels strangely better hearing him verbally confirm none of it was intentional. Some part of her always knew, but hearing it vocalized heals one or two cracks on the surface of her heart.

It was all a horrible accident. They saw it coming but they couldn't stop it. Every panicked move they made only made the damage worse. Now they both sit in the aftermath, equally tangled and twisted.

Wyatt holds her gaze searchingly. He's trying to assess how honest she's being. She's lied to him enough recently that she doesn't dare lie to him now. He must find what he's looking for because he nods and returns his eyes to the Journal pages.

She keeps flipping until she reaches a new mission. One they haven't been on, _yet_. They both scan through her words about the unsinkable Titanic and she's mortified as they do.

Her and Flynn? _Really_? Not that she doesn't see some sense in her future actions. She's not there yet, but Flynn's been invaluable during all of this, personally and professionally. He's not the man she assumed he was. He does possess some form of an honor code. He's not a _monster_. He's lost and broken. Just like her. Just like Wyatt.

So maybe in some future timeline she could see it. She could understand the comfort he might offer. The reprieve from loneliness. She's maybe considered it once or twice in the darkest corners of her mind.

But she doesn't want _Wyatt_ to know that.

He bows out awkwardly, though more gracefully than she expects, and leaves her alone with her thoughts. She still doesn't want anyone if she can't have Wyatt. It's less about Flynn and more about the alternate path he represents. Where does she stand with Wyatt now that Jessica is gone? Surely, he needs time to recover. The whiplash of the last two days has made her weary so it must be affecting him too.

Can she ultimately trust him with her heart again? Will he make the same mistakes twice? _Will she_? Is there a way to forget all the hurt they've inflicted on each other. How do they avoid becoming those people who came to visit them from 2023? Do they avoid that _together_?

Or can they only avoid that by quitting cold turkey? Do they require separation to finally stop hurting each other? Would choosing this alternate timeline that allows Flynn to happen achieve that separation?

She doesn't know and, honestly, she doesn't want to think about it. She just wants to save Rufus, defeat Rittenhouse, and take whatever remains of her life back.

She shoves her feelings for Wyatt aside and concentrates on the Journal. Rufus requires her focus now. Not Wyatt.

The alarm blares and Lucy lets out a frustrated groan. As usual, Rittenhouse has impeccable timing. She leaves the room with a hesitant glance back. Jessica's things are still in Wyatt's room. Her hair brush sits on a table by the bed. Her clothes...her books—she's gone but not _gone_.

Lucy wants to trust that things will balance out now without Jessica around manipulating them all like some sick chess game, but she's still out there. She's still trying to move the pieces in her favor. Who's to say Rittenhouse won't find some way to throw Lucy off balance yet again?

She can't deal with Wyatt while the ground is still uneven. She just _can't_. There's too much distance between them to bridge it _now_. Her eyes find him and then Flynn when she meets up with the team. She understands the phrase "between a rock and a hard place" better than ever now. Being in the same room with both of them after what she's just uncovered is jarring. So jarring that she knows she comes off as flustered while briefing the team on the California Gold Rush.

Two paths are laid out before her. One of risk. One of safety. She has no clue which path to take.

She's on edge and ready to fight. There's too much happening at once. She can feel herself tensing up and locking away her vulnerable emotions. She's growing a shell and a short fuse. She knows she is because cat calling she would typically ignore sends her into a rage. If not for Wyatt, she truly might have hit one of those shameless prospectors.

It's not until later, when they're around a fire with Joaquin Murrieta and his men that she realizes what she's doing. The change from her dress to men's clothes. The front off with a murdering bandit. The chat with Flynn about what could be between them.

Without even thinking about it she's become _her_. The Lucy from 2023 that was all at once a frightening and depressing sight. She tells herself that's not what she wants and in the next breath she's channeling her.

Maybe that's just who she is without Wyatt. Maybe that's who she's meant to be. She thinks she doesn't want that, but maybe…

Maybe she _does_.

She hates that thought.

She distracts herself by further briefing Jiya on Joaquin. She's successful until they're interrupted by Wyatt. He makes a sound that she can't quite describe. It's a combination of hopelessness and guilt. It can only have to do with one thing.

He's been obsessively searching that journal since they stopped for the night. She's tried to ignore him because she honest to god _does not_ want to know what he's reading. But she can't ignore him now.

"Wyatt? What is it?"

"It's Jessica."

Of course it is, she thinks bitterly before daring to ask him to clarify. "What?"

"I keep rereading these pages, and everything leads to the same place. Jessica is the reason Rufus is dead. Rittenhouse brought her back to distract me or spy on us. I don't really know."

God, he sounds like he's going to break down and sob right there. She fights the urge to wrap her arms around him. That's not her place. She doesn't even know if she wants that particular place in his life anymore.

"But I played right into their hands when I brought her into the bunker. Jiya, she's the one who kidnapped you. She's the reason we went to Chinatown. There is a simple equation here. It has been here all along, I just didn't want to see it. It's the reason the future version of you gave me the journal."

"So, you're saying…" Jiya says with a furrowed brow.

"I'm saying because Jessica lives, Rufus dies."

Oh god. The minute he says it they all know it's true. But it doesn't make it less hurtful for any of them. Jessica wasn't as important to them as she's always been to Wyatt, but they know how he was when he lost her the first time. They remember that man they met during that first mission. The idea that he was meant to lose Jessica all along is _heavy._

"And to save Rufus, Jessica has to be taken out of the timeline somehow," he pauses and even in the firelight she can see him reining in his grief and his shame. Again, the urge to hold him rises. She squelches it with great difficulty. "And I'm gonna be the one to do it. I will make sure that Jessica never steps foot in the bunker."

_No_. No, he can't mean—

Jiya beats her to the question. "You mean, go back to your own timeline?"

"No. No way. It's too dangerous. You could die," Lucy says dismissively. She's not letting him do that. He's given up too much as it is. _She's_ given up too much. No matter what role he plays in her life she can't lose him too. Not over _Jessica._ She's not worth it.

"It's the only way to save Rufus."

"How does it help us to save Rufus if it means sacrificing you?" She asks. She admits she sounds angrier than she should, but he is _not_ leaving her behind again. She will not allow it.

He meets her eyes for the first time since he started talking and the way they glisten against the light tells her all she needs to know about what he's feeling. "Because Rufus didn't deserve what happened to him." He pointedly looks away from her as he continues. "You didn't deserve what I did to you. I let everybody down, but I'm gonna make things right."

The words, 'you didn't deserve what Jessica did to _you_' get stuck in her throat. Instead she says, "Well, you're not doing it alone. I'm coming with you."

If he thinks he's abandoning her again, then he's going to be disappointed.

Jiya voices her agreement. They'll get Rufus back together. It's the way it should be. The loss of Rufus isn't on just one person. It's on all of them. They're a team and they look out for each other. If one of them is lost then it's everyone's fault. She will not let him take on all the blame for Rufus.

"Well, it sounds like a noble plan, but if you all die trying to save Rufus, who will be left here to save the world from Rittenhouse?" Flynn asks sagely.

Rufus. The world will have Rufus. But he won't be enough on his own. They all know that. None of them want to say it. It's a kink in the plan, but they'll have to figure out a way around that later.

They need to rest so they can rise early in the morning and find the sleeper. The sooner they find the sleeper then the sooner they get out of here and get to work saving Rufus.

Eventually, she drifts off. She wakes up once to Wyatt tending the fire and acting as look out. Protecting them and not himself, as per usual. In his mind, he's probably counting it as some sort of penance for his crimes against them. Knowing he's weighed down by guilt bothers her more than she wants. She notices Flynn is missing, he tells her that Flynn rode ahead to scout the Mill. She thinks it odd but goes back to sleep anyway. Flynn is hard to read on the best of days.

The next day they ride the rest of the way to the Mill. They don't find Flynn. Prospectors from the day before find _them_ though. They're held at gunpoint and locked up in a shed, tied to posts. _Perfect_.

Time travel is really rewarding work. She can't even think that with a straight face anymore.

"Never thought I'd say this but we could really use our 'tall friend' right about now," Wyatt says dejectedly.

She doesn't disagree. Any backup would be good right about now. But their only options besides Flynn are probably miles away by now with all they gold they can carry. But one discussion about pickled heads later, they hear shouting and the sound of horses in the distance. They look to the door expectantly, shouting for Flynn.

To their astonishment, the person who kicks down the door isn't Flynn.

It's _Rufus._

"Merry Christmas, you filthy animals."

Her heart nearly stops from the shock.

There's laughter and smiles and hugs all around. Rufus, for his part, has no idea what's happening but he's not complaining.

"Rufus...you were dead."

"I—was—what?"

Wyatt fills in the rest. "You died in San Francisco, 1888. Emma shot you."

"When was I in 1888?"

Okay, so no Chinatown in the new timeline. Well, that's a relief. Chinatown was a massive error in judgement for all of them. She won't miss it in her personal history.

"It doesn't matter, okay? You're alive now."

As usual, Jiya's priorities are in check. More so than her and Wyatt's because the first thing he does after learning about their new reality is turn to Lucy to try and work it out.

"How is that possible?"

There's only one answer that she's been slowly coming to in her mind. It has to be their suspiciously missing team member. "Flynn did it."

"Does this mean I'm gonna have to hug him too?" Rufus asks.

If possible, Wyatt looks even more defeated by that news. She has no idea why. It should be a _good thing_. Flynn figured it out. Where ever he is.

Joaquin calls Rufus and Jiya follows after him, leaving Wyatt and Lucy alone to discuss the details.

"Flynn must have taken the Lifeboat and…"

"Taken Jessica out of the timeline," Wyatt answers, completing her thought.

"Rufus didn't die? He went with us on this trip? He's—he's been here all along?" This is a new kind of timeline change for them and she'll admit she's not quite sure how it worked. Not that it matters. Jiya's right. It only matters that Rufus is back. The physics of it is unimportant.

"And Jessica is...gone."

He looks guilty. Heartbroken. Lost. She can't blame him. He's just lost his wife for the second time in his life. Even if he says he loves Lucy, Jessica was still the love of his—

"I guess this is why you end up with Flynn."

Wait, _what?_ Is that why he looks so—No, can't be. He can't look that crushed because he thinks that she ends up with Flynn out of some sick sense of gratitude. Can he? He looks that desolate over _her?_ Lucy Preston? The woman he met _after_ the woman he spent so many years grieving? What she thought she knew about Wyatt's frame of mind, she suddenly doubts.

What she's been seeing as grief over Jessica and guilt over Rufus, might not be what she assumed it was. Does he mean that _he_ _wants_ to be the person she ends up with? Even so close to the whirlwind of Jessica's betrayal and losing Rufus?

He hands her back the Journal and walks passed her to leave. In a rush she turns to reassure him. Yet another instinctual reaction but this time she can't tamp it down. The words escape before she manages to think them through.

"I don't."

His steps halt and he turns on her with a look of hope so potent that it nearly knocks the wind out of her.

"I—I don't end up with him."

In this moment, she's going to allow herself to be open to whatever comes next. The door to her heart is open just enough to let a little light out. She's praying with everything she has that he takes her up on the offer. She tries to make her expression as beseeching as possible.

Rufus calls after them but Wyatt doesn't seem to be deterred at first. An exhale leaves his lips and she can't tell if it's the start of a word or a sigh of relief. She doubts she'll be finding out. Rufus interrupts yet again. Rushing them out the door. She's disappointed but a little relieved. It was a moment of illogical weakness, and as she stands there— wondering what he was going to say—she realizes the journal fell open in the hand off from Wyatt to her. There's a loose piece of paper in the Journal that wasn't there before.

As soon as she unfolds it, her heart sinks.

Just when she thought the losses were over.

It's _Flynn. _They've lost Flynn.

She's really beginning to hate time travel.

Is there _no one_ it won't take from her?

Flynn was a friend. A confidant. He understood her darkest days the way no one else in the Bunker did. They were the only two left who'd lost everything and survived it. As cruel as it was, while Wyatt had Jessica back he hadn't felt like part of their jaded little club. Flynn didn't expect her to see her future through an optimistic lens, he didn't ask anything of her that she wasn't willing to give, and he didn't judge her for her vindictive wishes that Jessica had just stayed gone. He listened. He advised.

He may have been a criminal, but he _cared._

She had so hoped he would get Iris and Lorena back. He didn't. And now the entire Flynn family has met an unfair and untimely end.

She's quiet on the ride back to the Lifeboat, while she buckles herself into her seat, and as she listens to Wyatt's heartfelt toast once they're back in the Bunker. She's quiet and stewing in her own thoughts. Getting Rufus back _killed _Flynn. Getting Jessica back killed Rufus. Getting her mother back erased Amy.

Time travel has consequences and they're seeing them more and more.

Wyatt got what he wanted and it broke him.

Flynn went to extremes for his family and it cost him his humanity.

It all leads her to one question.

What will happen to her if she keeps holding on to Amy?

It sends her diving into the Journal. Flynn's letter mentioned a possible solution for Amy. Maybe if she could figure it out then she wouldn't have to _keep_ holding on to Amy. Maybe Amy could _be here_ instead and her fight would be over. If she didn't drag it out then maybe she could avoid becoming Flynn or losing anyone else. She could force an exception — make herself the loophole.

She reads through every entry, searching every sentence for some sort of clue. There are some things that are out of place but none of them fit into any sort of order. They don't make sense. Everyone else showers and changes and gets ready for bed. But Lucy stays right where she is, on the steps in front of the Lifeboat. She makes notes and tucks them into specific pages. She bookmarks sections she wants to look at later. She treats the Journal like a research project for one of her books.

There has to be a concrete answer somewhere in those pages.

But Flynn's observations about the Journal were accurate. It's disjointed. The entries aren't written chronologically and sometimes there's no entry at all. Just a flier or a ticket, a newspaper clipping. It's a mess. It would take her _years_ to decipher it.

Years of dedicated study. Years of making her life all about Amy. She'd be fine with that, she would. Except it means keeping the Lifeboat and the Mothership operational even after they stop Rittenhouse. _If_ they stop Rittenhouse. Could she live with herself if one of those machines was ever used for selfish gain again? Or if an attempt to save Amy takes another member of her new makeshift family away? What will that sort of power turn her into? Once she's starts getting back the people she's lost will she be able to _stop_?

She doesn't know what to do or how to process any of it. She feels strung out just contemplating the ramifications of time travel or what dominoes would fall if her sister were brought back into the timeline. She needs an opinion, advice.

She needs someone to listen to her fears and her concerns — someone to get her over the hump. There's only one person she's ever trusted for that.

She glances down the hall and catches Christopher as she and Mason are discussing Christmas decorations.

"Is—Is Wyatt's room still at the end of the hall?"

They exchange furrowed brows for a moment, but Lucy swears she sees a small grin on Christopher's face as she replies. "You mean your room? The room you _share_ with Wyatt?"

She trips over her own feet and nearly throws the Journal across the room as she tries to catch herself. "I'm sorry, _what?"_

"You switched rooms with Rufus not long after the mission in 1941," Mason explains. "You and Wyatt, Rufus and Jiya."

1941\. Hollywood. Hedy's Pool House. "Oh." _Oh._

That's all she can manage in reply. _Oh._ She should have expected that, but she didn't. How many times had she imagined where she and Wyatt would be if they'd come back from 1941 and Jessica hadn't been waiting on them? Well, now she has an official answer.

Together. They'd be _together._

She makes her way there, slowly. She's unsure what she's walking into or how she feels about it. As far as Rufus, Mason, and Christopher are concerned Lucy and Wyatt are..._Lucy and Wyatt. _A couple. A unit. The last several weeks of heartbreak have been deleted for everyone but the two of them. All their mistakes are _actually gone._ Literally erased from existence.

If only they could be erased from her memory, too.

Wishful thinking never solved anyone's problems. This isn't a fairy tale. It's real life. The problems between her and Wyatt didn't vanish with Jessica.

Privately, though, she can admit that everything she ever thought she wanted is represented by their shared room. A part of her wants to pretend she's never known any other timeline. To shrug her shoulders, roll with the punches, and kiss Wyatt Logan senseless.

God, does she ever want to kiss him. She's missed kissing him. She's missed being close to him at all.

So maybe by the time she reaches the door she's in a bit of a nostalgic mood, maybe the sight of the room arranged to fit her and Wyatt leaves her a little breathless, and _maybe_ she enjoys the image of him standing there amidst her things (and his) a little too much.

She leans against the doorframe. She's not sure she wants to come in and embrace the private fantasy for reality. Not yet.

"Agent Christopher said that this is, uh…"

"Our room," he says. Continuing his recent trend of finishing her sentences.

"Yeah."

"I guess with, uh, Jessica gone we were…"

And now it's her turn to finish _his _sentence. Her hands nervously fiddle with her tie as she does. "Together."

"Yeah."

He pauses awkwardly and she realizes, for the first time, that he's packing a bag. She feels unexpected disappointment and she has no idea what to do with it.

"But I'm gonna sleep on the couch so…"

"No, you don't have to do that."

"I mean, are you sure? Cause I don't mind."

Does he look a little eager? Is she reading too much into this? Does the idea of sharing a bed after all this time thrill him as much as it does her? She's torn between hoping she's right and being ashamed that she's even thinking about it.

"Come on, Wyatt, it's fine. There are…" There are what, Lucy? "...two beds."

Yeah, real smooth. Not at all awkward.

She slips into the room and settles into one of the chairs at the table in the corner.

"It was really nice what you said about Flynn," she offers in an attempt to change the subject.

"Yeah, well, I meant it."

He says that like she thinks he's in the habit of saying things he doesn't mean. He's meant everything he's said to her. Maybe he made some promises he couldn't keep but it wasn't his intention to break them. Things happened beyond his control. Surely, he doesn't think her opinion of him has fallen _that_ far?

"I know you did."

"You know, he lied to me about the name of Jessica's killer."

Ah, yes, the thing that sent Wyatt off to the 1980s and left her crying on her mother's front staircase. She remembers it well. A little too well. She shoves that memory aside and focuses on his words.

"Cause when you think about it, it was him all along. I spent all this time trying to find the person that ruined my life. I never even considered the fact that he was actually trying to save it."

Neither of them did. How could they? What could she add to make any of this better for him? Now on top of everything else, he had the guilt of not appreciating Flynn's actions the way he should have when there was _no way_ he could have known what was coming. If Flynn knew in advance what would happen, he kept it from all of them.

She doesn't know what to say, so she brings them to the topic that had her searching him out in the first place.

"Flynn told me something else in his letter about Amy," she says as she opens the journal and pulls out the folded paper.

"What's that?" He asks as she joins her at the table.

He's as eager to help her as she wanted him to be. She missed confiding in him. She missed feeling like they were a team all their own. She feels some of that connection now. She's trying to keep her distance so it's the last thing she needs, but she leans into it nonetheless.

"He said there might be a way that I could get Amy back, but I can't figure it out. Besides, Emma already said that there was no way I was ever going to get my sister back again so—"

"If there's a way to get her back, we're gonna do it, Lucy."

His determination doesn't come as any sort of surprise. He's always had her back. Even with Jessica around that fact never changed. But she's a realist. She can read the room.

"Not with Rittenhouse still out there. You heard what Flynn said. We have to stop them because if we don't then…"

"We become those people that paid us a visit."

It's as if he's reading her mind. Her thoughts from before the jump work their way to the forefront of her mind as he continues.

"I don't want that," he confesses. "I don't want that for us. We—we didn't look—"

"Happy?" She guesses.

"Yeah."

"Yeah, I noticed that too." But how do they avoid it? How do they work past all the damage between them?

"I don't want to live in a world where we're not just Lucy and Wyatt."

Neither does she but she can't see a road back to where they were before. Hollywood, 1941 is in the rear view mirror and it's not coming back. She'd asked herself, while she was falling for him, what would happen if they came home from a mission to Jessica Logan, alive and well. She never really thought it would happen, but it did and now she has an answer to the nightmare scenario she always feared. How does she forget _that_? How does she pretend she's _not_ his second choice?

_How?_

"But after everything that's happened, how can we un-know what we know?"

The question she manages to ask leaves all of her internal concerns between the lines, but she thinks he'll understand her.

It's a genuine question and she wishes one of them had the answer. She misses him terribly. She misses _them_, together. The infamous Lucy and Wyatt. Preston and Logan. She misses every version in every time they've visited. Can she let herself trust him again? Can it ever get back to the way it was?

She feels like they're the romantic equivalent to Humpty Dumpty. They've fallen off the wall and lay in broken pieces on the ground. Everyone keeps trying, but no one can force the pieces into a shape. She's sick of trying, sick of being _sick_ over it. The moral of the story seems clear to her.

_All the king's horses and all the king's men_ _can never put them back together again._

Yet it doesn't seem so clear to him. He gives her that same hopeless look from the shed in 1848 and she wants a do over. She wants to take her question back. She hates seeing him like this. She hates feeling like this.

Her eyes start to water just as the alarm blares again. It's a necessary reminder of the _present_.

_This_ is their life now. Rittenhouse jumps and they say how high. How can anything change when this is what they're stuck with? She hates his hopeless look, but it _is_ hopeless. It _truly_ is.

Wyatt leaves first after the alarm sounds and she trudges along behind him. She doesn't want to know where they're going next. Each jump is worse than the last. She has no expectation of being sent anywhere exciting or even _stable_.

When Mason announces North Korea in 1950, she despises herself for being right.

Hungnam. The Korean War.

Time to break out that winter wear they never use.

From the minute they step out of the Lifeboat, Lucy notices two things.

First, it's cold down to her _bones._

Second, Wyatt is _different_.

His head is normally on a swivel. She's used to that, but this…

This is _hypervigilance_. The last time he was like this they were in Nazi Germany.

It makes her nervous.

It makes her even more nervous when they run across the casualties of a skirmish on their walk toward Hungnam. It won't be the first time she sees mass casualties this jump, but it's still startling.

They all think they're luck is changing when they find a helicopter pilot waiting for them on the other side of it.

"Come on, I got the last chopper to Hungnam," he calls to them.

Something prickles at the base of her spine. She doesn't like this. She trades a look with Wyatt to confirm he's suspicious too. They follow the pilot and ignore their concerns. What choice do they have?

"Thank God," Rufus says as he races ahead.

"The quicker we get through this frozen hell the better off I'll be," Jiya agrees.

Neither she nor Wyatt say anything to dissuade them. They should have.

Most of what happens once that helicopter takes off his a blur but she distinctly remembers Wyatt grabbing the pilot and fighting for the controls. She remembers because she was more afraid for his life than her own. The pilot was thrown from the aircraft and then she seems to remember Wyatt shoving her out of the open doors just before the helicopter would have crashed. That memory is less clear.

Her eyes slowly open to find Rufus and Jiya close by. Rufus leaves Jiya's side just for a moment to make sure she's okay. She's fine. A little sore and scraped up maybe but fine. The longer she's conscious the more she remembers.

The pilot was working for Emma. That managed to come out as he was attempting to crash them into the snowy earth. Wyatt got the controls, pulled up enough to buy them some time to jump out with minimal risk, but she can't seem to remember if Wyatt jumped with them.

"Rufus!" Lucy calls to him in a panic. "Wyatt. Where's Wyatt?"

"I'm not sure," he answers with a furrowed brow.

"Okay, okay." That's fine. It's _fine_. He has to be fine. "How's Jiya?"

"Piece of shrapnel in her leg but otherwise whole," Rufus says with a relieved sigh.

"And the pilot?"

He points to where the pilots body lays on a jagged piece of helicopter wreckage. "Dead on impact. Thanks to Wyatt."

"Stay with Jiya, I'll find Wyatt," she instructs as she pushes herself off the ground with a wince.

She forces herself to move faster than she should. Her body will not appreciate this later, but she _has_ to find Wyatt. She needs visual confirmation that he made it. After an excruciating minute that felt like an hour, she finds him close to the largest chunks of the crashed helicopter. Unconscious in the snow.

"Oh God, please be okay," she mutters to herself as she kneels next to him. "Wyatt," she tries. There's movement behind his closed eyelids so she tries again. "Wyatt." She knows she sounds frantic but there's nothing she can do to disguise that now. She _is_ frantic. Finally, his eyes begin to open and her wildly beating heart starts to settle. "Wyatt, are you okay?"

He groans and starts to move. Her hands find his arms to offer him support while she reminds him of what happened and what he did for them. When she tells him about the pilot he looks panicked and she feels him tense as he tries to assess the threat.

"It's okay, it's okay, _it's okay_," she assures him urgently. "He's dead. You wrestled the controls away from him."

The first words he says to her should be expected, given how well she knows him, but they aren't.

"We still crashed."

Is he serious? This would have been so much worse without him. Is he really taking the _blame_ for this? He's quite literally her hero. She makes sure to meet his eyes as she responds to him. "We would have died. _You_ saved us."

His bloody fist wraps around the sleeve of her coat but otherwise he has no reaction to her words. Of course, he glosses right over that praise to check on the rest of their team. "Rufus and Jiya?"

She repeats that they're okay until he believes her and helps support him into a kneeling position to match hers.

"Are you okay?" He asks as his eyes roam her face for any signs of damage.

She nods and replies softly, "Yeah."

His hand releases her sleeve to grip the underside of her arm, which reactively slips around his waist. They lean on each other to stand. She can make out scrapes behind his ear and cuts on his knuckles but otherwise he seems stiff and sore like her.

Basically _fine, _just as she hoped he would be. Thank God.

Their hands linger once they stand. Both verifying that the other is truly unhurt before they move closer to burnt out cockpit. The chopper radio still works. They catch a broadcast and find a map, but with one broadcast the situation becomes clear. Emma didn't interfere with any events. This jump wasn't about altering history.

It was about killing all of _them_. She set them up.

"Sleeper's dead," Wyatt says. "The only thing left to do is find the Lifeboat and go home."

She really hopes it's that simple, but somehow she knows it won't be. Nothing ever is for them. They set off back the way they came, knowing they have a long walk ahead of them. At some point, she ends up walking beside Rufus while Jiya and Wyatt lead the way.

"So," Rufus starts awkwardly. "This is weird. In my timeline, you guys are still a couple. You think you'll get back together or what? Because I'm still totally shipping Team Lyatt."

Team Lyatt? "What? What's that?"

"You guys are like...Han and Leia. Arwen and Aragorn." When those first two don't spark recognition for her, he tries one more. "Bella and Edward?"

Still nothing. She shakes her head.

"You guys have obstacles too," he explains.

Obstacles? That seems inadequate. A resurrected wife is a bit more than an obstacle. "Rufus, it's not like we got into a fight. He was married. To someone else who he thought was dead who then all of a sudden wasn't dead. So, he left me—" Literally. The day after they slept together. "—to be with her and I know you don't remember that but it's not something I'm going to forget."

How can she? The wounds still feel fresh.

"Well, apparently I came back from the dead so anything's possible."

If only. She wishes he remembered. She hates rehashing all of this. "I hear that, but I don't want to be anyone's second choice." Not anymore. Not ever again.

Rufus gives her a thoughtful glance before he addresses her response. "When you were kidnapped by your mother, we thought you were dead. We all lost hope. Except for Wyatt. He never gave up on you. He always swore you were out there."

She doesn't want to hear this. Can't he just let her live in ignorance? How can she harden her heart against Wyatt with Rufus reminding her of how wonderful he can be?

"He tried to blow torch his way out of the Bunker to find you."

He what? When did he do this? How had she not heard about it?

"I know there was a Jessica but he was willing to give her up to find me, and I'll tell ya the guy likes me but if he had to give you up...I know for a fact I'd still be dead. That doesn't sound like a second choice to me."

She feels Rufus's eyes on her as she contemplates his words. She knew Wyatt came for her. That he and Rufus traveled to 1918 specifically for her, but she didn't know what came before that. No one had mentioned it. _He _never mentioned it. He tried to blow torch his way out of the Bunker? And did Rufus really believe that Wyatt could never give her up for him? Is it true? She would never want him to have to make that choice but…

God, she wants it to be true.

Maybe she's not seeing things clearly. Maybe she's looking for reasons to doubt Wyatt. Is she holding on to the pain on purpose as an excuse to keep him at an arm's length? Is she doing the practical thing or is she running away from him out of fear?

Her thoughts are disrupted when they finally reach some sort of civilization. A small village. In that small village a crowd of people is passing through trying to make their way to Hungnam to evacuate. Lucy uses it as a distraction to brief the team on what happened to those left behind to suffer the formation of North Korea. It was gruesome.

The outlook becomes even more grim when Wyatt chimes in that they need to get back to the Lifeboat before nightfall and before there's thousands of Chinese troops between the four of them and their ride home. She knew what the probable outcome of that would be but hearing Wyatt say it out loud makes it too real.

The run across a dead ambulance and Rufus talks Wyatt into trying to revive it. Something they seem to be unintentionally good at. When Wyatt suggests she and Jiya go get warm in the church she can't resist teasing him. Maybe it's a result of everything Rufus disclosed to her or maybe she's just tired of all the doom and gloom. But, regardless, the banter feels good. She missed it.

She still misses it. She misses _him_.

Lucy and Jiya slip up in the church. They should have known. There were too many people around to talk so openly. A woman risks her own life to warn them about an informant in the church. She tells them her story and Lucy's heart goes out to her. She's all alone. She's been left behind for the sake of her husband and her son. That type of sacrifice deserves to be rewarded.

But it won't be. Lucy's _knows_ it won't be.

In that moment, she decides they have to help her. They have to change her fate. No person should be punished for being selfless. Life shouldn't be that cruel. It was to her. It was to Wyatt. Even Rufus and Jiya. She won't stand by and watch it be cruel to someone else.

So, when Wyatt comes to get them, she tells him Young-Hee is coming with them.

"Is she important to history?"

"Everybody's important."

"Lucy," he says in exasperation. "What do you want me to do?"

"We have to take her Hungnam. She is super pregnant and she put her life on the line for us no questions asked!"

"The Lifeboat is ten miles north. The Port is eight miles south. We can't lose that much time!"

She understands his point and she knows she's making his job difficult but this is _important_. She can't change what happened to them, but she can change what happens to Young-Hee. It's one good thing. She _needs_ to do one good thing. She needs to be reminded that time travel can have good consequences in addition to bad. She needs to believe they can still use it to save someone. _Anyone_.

If they can do that then maybe Rufus is right and anything really is possible.

_Maybe_.

Jiya and Rufus back her up, but she needs Wyatt on her side too.

"What's the point of saving history if we don't save the people in it?" She pleads, holding his gaze with hers.

With one heartfelt look and a resigned sigh he nods tiredly. "Fine. Let's get her and try to find a back exit outta this place. The wolves are at the door. We gotta go."

They barely make it out of the building and into the ambulance in time to escape the soldiers but they manage it. She spends the ride encouraging Young-Hee, soothing her doubts. Young-Hee has to trust her. This will be for the best. It seems scary but she has to take the leap.

She replays her own thoughts.

_It seems scary but she has to take the leap._

Maybe Lucy needs to take her own advice.

She has a habit of playing it safe or running away. She can count the times she's taken a risk on one hand. Most of those risks came back to haunt her.

Jumping into bed with Jonas cost her a piece of her professional reputation.

Stepping into the Lifeboat cost her Amy.

Falling for Wyatt cost her everything else.

Every other time, when things got difficult she got out. Her fledgling music career. Noah. Hell, even Wyatt. It was easier to tuck tail and run so that's exactly what she did. She was consistent, at least. She'd give herself that much.

The Ambulance dies again and now they're walking. Or they plan to until Young-Hee goes into labor. Wyatt and Jiya stay behind to help (because this isn't Wyatt's first delivery, apparently?) and Rufus and Lucy run ahead to the Port to find a doctor. They find one and for a moment she thinks everything is going to be okay.

But as always, that moment ends.

With a literal, gut wrenching, _bang_.

She's not sure how many times she screams Wyatt's name, but she knows she never stops from the minute she sees the explosion until they arrive back to where they left the other half of their team.

This isn't like the helicopter crash. She wasn't there with him. She has no idea what's happened to him. Losing him completely would fit her pattern, though, wouldn't it?

She's gets one person back and loses another. She thought Flynn was the unjust payment for Rufus but it seems time travel isn't done with her. It takes the one piece of her heart she has left. The one she's been withholding, thinking she was protecting herself. She sees now that was all a lie.

Because she doesn't feel the least bit _protected_ from the pain.

No, she feels _all_ of it. It aches through her bones and threatens to swallow her whole. As far as she's concerned, they can fire another round of artillery fire right where she's standing because she's _done_.

She's just..._done._

She spent all her time since he'd said he loved her debating what to do about it, when she could have just _told him the truth_. A lie of omission is still a lie. She lied to Wyatt about her feelings. She wasted time she could have spent _with him_. She sees now they weren't hopeless. The gulf between them wasn't too wide to cross. None of that was true.

She clung to it as if it were because…

Because she was _terrified_.

Terrified he'd leave her again. That even after all they'd gone through she still wouldn't be enough. Terrified that if she ever lost him a second time she'd never survive it. Instead of opening up to him, she'd wrapped her heart in armor. She'd prepared for battle.

But there was a chink in her armor, because no amount of iron or steel could remove the feelings that were already there.

There's no world, no timeline, where losing Wyatt Logan wouldn't hurt. Whether they're together or not.

It takes losing him for all of that to become clear. She crouches in front of the smoking pile of rubble and screams his name. She'll never forgive herself for this. She had a chance to have a life with him and she threw it away. She chokes through a sob as she pictures going back to the Bunker without him. Fighting this fight, _without him_. She imagines going back to her life before she knew him, and it _tears her apart. _

Her chest feels like it's on fire, as if it's laying in the smoking rubble too.

Why didn't she tell him when she had the chance? Now he'll never know. He'll never hear the words and worst of all — the only memory she'll have of him saying them will leave her forever picturing him broken and lost, sitting on a dirty concrete floor.

That feels..._wrong_. The weight of it crushes her.

He deserved to be happy. _They _deserved to be happy.

And now that opportunity is gone forever.

What she feared — the very thing that kept her from him — has come true. He's left her and this time he's not coming back. She knows as surely as she knows she loves him, that she'll never be happy again. Not completely. Without Wyatt, the light dims.

All her measures of protection have failed her.

She kept him an arms length away and yet it wasn't far _enough_ to survive this loss.

But then she hears something. A rumbling voice that sounds so familiar she thinks she's imagining it. She looks up, not expecting to see him. This is like all those times she's seen Amy in her dreams. It's the ghost of what could have been haunting her. That suspicion doesn't change when her eyes find him walking toward them cooing at a bundle in his arms. She still believes it's a mirage. A glimpse at the future she has no chance of possessing.

But then he smiles, he _speaks_, and he looks right at her. He's there. He's _real. _She feels him in her _soul_. The joy she feels can't be hidden or disguised. For a heart stopping moment in time, she thought she lost him. Finding out she didn't feels like a life saving hit from a defibrillator.

She's got a second chance with him. A second chance at _happiness_.

The immediate priority is getting Young-Hee to the Port so she sets aside her epiphany for the sake of the mission. But she can't help it if she sticks a little closer to Wyatt. She truly thought she would never see him again and now can't stop looking at him. Memorizing him. _Marveling_ at him.

"Wyatt delivered a baby," Jiya says in surprise.

"In the middle of a war zone," Rufus adds.

"Alright, it wasn't a big deal," he says modestly.

Right. Totally not a big deal. People who aren't doctors deliver babies in 1950 North Korea _all the time_. She fights the urge to good naturedly roll her eyes at him. _This man._ He deflects praise he deserves and takes on guilt he doesn't.

"What else don't I know about you?" She asks him.

They share brief smiles, full of warmth, before he puts them back on task. She wishes he'd take a moment to enjoy it — to take pride in himself. But that's fine, if he doesn't want to then she'll do it for him. _She'll_ be proud of him and grateful for his presence in her life. She'll _always_ be proud of him.

Young-Hee's husband and son appear out of nowhere and the baby is hastily passed back to Wyatt. She lets herself watch him, without shame, as he makes a series of silly faces and rocks the baby soothingly. She dares to think he'll make an amazing father. She sees a flash of him somewhere down the road holding a squirming bundle with her coloring and his nose. It comes unbidden and when his eyes stop on hers, for a split second, it hits her just _how badly _she wants that image to come true.

She wants _him_. She doesn't give a damn about the past anymore. Yes, he hurt her, but she hurt him too. If he can get passed it to tell her how he feels then surely so can she. The past can only hurt them if she lets it. They both made mistakes. The important thing is that they learn from them.

They just need to get home so she can get him alone. They need to talk but she's not sure North Korea is the appropriate setting.

Although, it turns out she may not have much choice. They can't get a truck. They're all rigged with explosives. They have to hoof it back to the Lifeboat and the sun is now rapidly sinking under the horizon line. They reach the little village they passed through earlier but it seems more sinister than it did before.

It could have something to do with the dead bodies in the street. Probably. _Most likely_. Or the fact that they're surrounded by Chinese forces. Or both. Definitely both.

They hide in the church, hoping to wait out the Chinese forces encircling them and then make a miraculous run for the safety of their time machine. It's a long shot, but there's not many other options.

Although, she doubts what they're doing is a realistic option. Wyatt hasn't said it out loud but she sees the way he's tensed. She notices the way he checks all the entrances to the church and then paces between them. They've been outnumbered and outmaneuvered. They're putting all their hopes on the chance that the church is somehow _safe_.

But what if it isn't? Rufus tried to ask that earlier. Wyatt dodged his question.

She knows what that means.

They probably aren't getting out of here alive.

So much for getting home and getting Wyatt alone.

She doesn't care about their past anymore, but the bright future she glimpsed doesn't seem like an option either. All they have is right now, for as long as it takes the Chinese to find them. She sits down at the altar and waits.

They won't make it home. That's bad enough. But infinitely worse is the idea that their deaths might impact the fate of the world. The whole reason Flynn made the sacrifice he did is so that none of them died before they could stop Rittenhouse. Their deaths here will put the world at risk while simultaneously invalidating Flynn's last noble act.

The guilt she feels is at that thought is astounding.

She registers movement next to her as Wyatt sits down.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks.

She doesn't answer him right away. She's not sure he'll like her answer, but eventually she decides it's time she stop lying to him about her thoughts and feelings. If he wants to know her thoughts then she'll tell him. She'll tell him _everything_.

"Flynn," she replies. She feels his eyes on her after she answers, boring into the side of her face. Probably reading every little movement she makes for signs of distress. "The last thing he said to us before he left to get in the Lifeboat was 'If we all run off to save Rufus who will save the world?' If we die tonight—"

He interrupts her with a voice full of steely determination. "I'm not giving up yet."

She feels his eyes on her again but she can't bring herself to meet his gaze. Her emotions are a swirling mess of confusion. It's been an insane couple of days and she can't believe it all led them _here_. To a situation that looks more and more like a dead end with every passing minute.

She thinks Wyatt's done but he surprises her.

"Guess it's all up to fate."

The grin forms on her face before she can catch it, leading her to meet his eyes for the first time since they entered the church.

He takes in her grin and gives her a curious look. "What?"

"You," she answers before she turns her grin on him again. "Talking about fate."

He grins back for a moment and then…

"So, you were right."

Oh, she should be recording this. This will never happen again in her lifetime. He's admitting she was right and she's not having to pull it out of him with sarcasm.

"And here you had me convinced there was no such thing," she says as she barely holds back a chuckle.

"Timing is everything, right?"

His gaze finds hers and it all hits her at once. Almost losing him earlier, the brief hope she had for a future, the fact they're talking so honestly _now_. None of it has been timed correctly. Timing is their fatal flaw. Always has been.

Even now, she thinks with a quiet scoff.

She's decided to forgive their past. She's pretty sure they don't have a future.

So…

No time like the present.

It's, quite literally, _now or never_.

"After that explosion, I thought you were dead. And for a moment, I saw my whole life without you. And my world _ended_, Wyatt." She doesn't give him a chance to reply. She needs to get this all out and she needs to get it out now. "I just kept thinking about all this time that we had wasted. Just wasting so much time. And then, all of a sudden, there you were. Holding a stranger's baby that you had delivered. And I knew."

"You knew what?" He asks with a wary expression. He looks as if he wants to be hopeful, but can't bear to be disappointed.

She knows the feeling. It pushes her forward.

"I'd fallen in love with you. And nothing that happened or didn't happen or might happen was ever going to change it." She turns, angling herself to face him, and waits until he mimics her position. There's joyful tears in her eyes and a smile on her face, despite their current situation. She feels a weight lift off of her shoulders as the words leave her lips. "I love you, Wyatt Logan. I've loved you since the Alamo, since you kissed me with Bonnie and Clyde, since that night in Hollywood."

He shakes his head, staring at her in disbelief. His blue eyes lock on hers, his mouth opens and closes a time or two, and then he finally finds his words. "What happened after...I wanted to choose you. I just felt like I owed her something."

God, it's everything she ever wanted to hear in two sentences. She wipes the tears from the corners of her eyes and sniffles, gathering herself before he continues.

"I wish I could take it all back."

Funny, he mentions that. "And the crazy part is, Flynn already did. And now all we have between us is a past that only _we_ remember."

He nods but he still looks uncertain. "So?"

"I don't care about the past anymore. And we might not have a future. Maybe all that matters is right now."

He shakes his head as if he might say something else, but what else needs to be said? He's told her everything she needs to know. All that's left is to seal it with a kiss.

After all this time, his kisses are still exactly as she remembers. Soft, sweet, and insistent. If this is all they have then at least there's no more secrets between them.

They understand each other and for just this moment in time…

Their timing is _perfect_.

So perfect that she thinks the church bells she hears are in her head. Some sort of imagined symbol of how _right_ they are together. But when the church begins to shake and lights flash outside, she knows that's not the case. Something is happening. Something _big_.

Wyatt opens the door, gun drawn, to find Christopher, Emma, and the Mothership.

Just like that, hope returns.

Sure, she has to face down Emma first. She has to _yet again_ be taunted with her sister's life. It's a bargaining chip that _both_ sides have used against her. _A weakness_. Emma makes her case. She lobbies hard. But in the end it's Emma's own words that make Lucy's decision for her.

"You just have to trust me," Emma told her.

Trust her? Trust the woman who asked her to kill an innocent man? The woman who helped her mother plant Jessica among them? Who betrayed Connor and Rufus for Rittenhouse?

That would _never_ happen.

The Chinese forces finally catch up with them. Emma falls to her own plan. Her team escapes to the Mothership. Alive. Whole. _Together_.

Rufus drops her and Wyatt at the Lifeboat so they can bring it home. The auto pilot feature will allow them to pilot it without an engineer. Which means she and Wyatt are left alone.

It leads to a discussion of Rufus and their future selves. She prefers Wyatt's theory to her own. That their future selves not only came back for Rufus, but for them too. They came back to change their own fates. To make sure things turned out differently — _better_.

He checks her seatbelt, calls her ma'am. It starts to feel like old times until he suddenly stops stares at her with a thoughtful expression.

"What?"

His hands move to her thighs, tucking under them on either side. It's simple but comforting. _Addicting_. Even as teammates and friends, they were always oddly tactile. It feels wonderful to have that back.

Even if the words he says next take them to a place she really didn't want to go.

"We can try to get Amy back now. We have both time machines."

Her hands cover his and her voice sounds more certain than she expected it to as she answers him.

"No."

"Yeah, but the stuff in the journal…"

"No, Wyatt. I've thought a lot about this." So much that she's exhausted of thinking about it any further. "Look at all the awful things that Flynn did in the name of saving his family. Look what happened when you got Jessica back. I mean, I am so thankful that we saved Rufus, but it cost us Flynn. And if we're willing to use this machine to get back the things that we've lost, no matter the price, I mean..._when will it end_? We'd be no better than my mother or Emma."

He nods reluctantly and leans back to finish buckling himself in when she returns his nod with one of her own.

He watches her carefully as he pulls on the straps of his harness. "You sure you're okay with that?"

She can't look at him any longer and talk about this without crying. She looks away and nervously tugs on her restraints. "Of course not. But everybody loses someone that they love." When she feels composed enough she looks up at him again, with watery eyes. "And no matter how badly they want to, they can't get them back. And in spite of that, they find a way to go on. That's everyone's history."

She cannot hold on to Amy forever. Amy wouldn't want her to be so beholden to her losses that she doesn't see what she's gained. Amy always encouraged her to live life so that it makes her happy. If she continues letting Amy be this carrot that people use to exert power over her then that will never happen.

For Amy's sake and hers, she needs to say goodbye.

It hurts like hell and the decision will forever be a part of her. A kernel of guilt will follow her wherever she goes. But the alternative is too dangerous. The fate of the world shouldn't be jeopardized for her selfishness.

He holds her eyes for a prolonged pause, processing her answer and probably analyzing her face to discover each and every emotion that flickers across it. He can't read her mind, but sometimes it feels as though he can. Thankfully, he seems to accept her answer. She can tell he doesn't like it, but then neither does she so she understands.

But he accepts it, which is all she needs him to do, and they go home — hand in hand.

It's not perfect, but it's theirs.

And she thinks if nothing else, she's come away from all this with the answer to at least one question she's been asking herself for far too many years.

She wondered, given everyone who leaves her, who could stay.

With her hand molded perfectly to Wyatt's as they travel home and his gaze meeting hers, her answer seems clear.

_He _can stay.

He can stay with her for the rest of her life. She has no plans to run away from him ever again.


End file.
